Menopause & The Primal Masculine

I definitely didn’t have a menopause conference on my 2025 Bingo Card, but there I was in Chicago that weekend, speaking on a panel at Menopalooza right next to brilliant doctors at the forefront of this topic.

They didn’t want me there for my background in Traditional Chinese Medicine. They wanted me there because of what I’ve felt since I came out of my dark retreat this summer.

 

The primal masculine
is being called
back into society.

If you’re a man, this pertains to you directly. If you’re a woman, perhaps you’ve felt this too.

Picture me trying to bob and weave my way through the conference during a break, repeatedly getting stopped by attendees who would look me directly in the eye and say in no uncertain terms:

“Thank you for your work. We need men back.”

I heard it from mothers. From single women. From high-powered female MDs themselves.

Now, as the youngest in my family I have a pension for smartassery, so I did bite my tongue a few times so as not to say: WE DIDN’T GO ANYWHERE.

But that’s not entirely true, is it? And that’s not really what they were getting at.

There aren’t less
physical men.
There are less men
who embody and
express the
primal masculine.

That’s what they were saying.

There are less men who are connected to their integrated power. Less men who move through the world like they have a rightful place in it. Less men who can hold tension, create safety, and take up their actual size without shrinking, apologizing — or dominating.

You know what this looks like: A guy at dinner with his girlfriend who gets visibly uncomfortable the second she expresses sadness or frustration. He immediately goes into fix-it mode trying to control her, or starts apologizing for things that aren’t his fault, just to make the tension stop. Or the father who can’t set a boundary with his teenage daughter because he’s terrified of her disapproval. The colleague who has something important to say in the meeting but waits to see which way the room is leaning first.

Men who are waiting for permission to lead. Men who’ve learned to defer, accommodate, and above all, not make anyone uncomfortable with their presence.

Or worse — men who’ve just collapsed entirely.

And here’s what hit me standing there with popcorn in hand: they’re right.

Not because men disappeared, but because we got the message loud and clear over the past decade that our masculine nature—the primal, instinctive, testosterone-driven parts—were the problem. Even, how does one say… “toxic.”

So instead of evolving them into something holistic and balanced, something UNcivilized, we filed them down. Softened our edges. Learned to filter ourselves into something palatable.

In the dark retreat I did this past summer, I felt this in my body.

I was walking the room on Day 23 chewing on a new tagline for UNcivilized. One that wasn’t an entire sentence. Then these words landed square on me.

BE
MORE
MAN.

More grounded. More powerful. More relational.

Seems like the darkness was giving me exactly what the world would quickly ask for—more men. Men who could walk into any situation, stay calm, stay grounded, and be of service. Men who knew and lived understanding that the foundation of everything is primal. It’s natural. It’s powerful.

This isn’t about going backwards. It’s not about dominance, aggression, or some cartoonish version of masculinity where you grunt and beat your chest. That’s not primal—that’s performing.

The primal masculine I’m talking about—the one these women were asking for, the one that landed on me in the dark—is something else entirely.

It’s a man who knows his strength and doesn’t need to prove it. Who can be in his body without apology. Who leads not because he demands it, but because he’s grounded enough that others naturally orient around him. Who can hold space for emotion without collapsing into it or running from it.

“Be More Man”
isn’t a call to
be less evolved.
It’s a call to stop
apologizing for
being male.

To integrate your primal nature with your intelligence, your tenderness, your consciousness. To stop performing sensitivity and start embodying strength that’s actually safe.

I’ve watched this shift happening all year. Men are tired of filtering themselves into something palatable. Women are tired of men who need permission to lead. And the world? The world is desperate for men who can hold the center when everything’s falling apart.

Because the call is out. The primal masculine isn't just back—it’s being actively summoned. Even at menopause conferences.

The question isn’t whether you’ll answer. It’s whether you’ll stop waiting for permission first.

Be More Man.

Yours UNcivilized,
Traver