When the road behind becomes longer than the road ahead

Want to know the day most men actually stop, sit down and think about their lives in a way they never have before — even if they’ve been there for the birth of their children?


It’s the day they realize the road ahead of them is significantly shorter than the road behind them.

This usually comes when a man is in his late forties or early fifties, or even more interesting — when he is now a few years older than half of the age his father died.


This is often a man with means, but not meaning. And that’s big. Because this is one of the few cases, where one can’t buy the other.


While the “when” this realization hits varies, what often doesn’t is the two camps he will quickly fall into:


1) The path of depth
and consciousness:


This is when a man will make a shift in his life. Relationships, ideas, and pursuits that once held a large part of his attention will quickly fade out of his life. He will in essence, wake up to truths he long held at bay.


This is when a man
will connect deeply
with himself and
answer the question,
“What is truly
important to me?”
with a clarity he
never held before.


While this time may be tumultuous, it will also be freeing. His days of working for work’s sake, competing with the Joneses, tolerating disrespect from people in his life, and living life on someone else’s terms — will all come to an end.


There is a portal he will pass through, a messy period where the adjustment to living a more soul led life take hold. Anything created (relationships or otherwise) from ego alone will disintegrate.

There will be deaths, and a rebirth. Glory be.


 

2) The path of
avoidance and immaturity —
aka The Midlife Crisis


We know this guy. We have a term for it in the West — the midlife crisis. This man becomes a caricature with his new Porsche 911 and twenty-year-old girlfriend (A tip of the hat to Bill Bellichick for giving us such a public example of this).


This is a man who
instead of embracing
his mortality,
is returning to his
adolescence.

Rather than maturing into an elder, he’s reliving the days of his youth, but more than in a care free healthy way — he’s simply reliving the developmental age he was at that time.


I’m all for having a healthy relationship with your inner child, but I don’t want my inner 14 year old making any decisions for me other than buying a Skid Row poster for the back of my office door.

Now here’s the rub — I do agree that this is a crisis. Not because car dealerships and strippers create new relationships but because that man loses out on one of the greatest opportunities of his life. The opportunity to grow into his power in a way he’s never experienced.


An opportunity to feel more comfortable in his skin than he’s ever been before.

And an the opportunity to be of service as an esteemed elder to the younger men in his community.

He misses out on that and so do they.


 

So what’s a man to do
who finds himself
at this critical juncture?


1) Let it be true — you’re on the back half. Good. You don’t have to shit lightning every day now. Enjoy the slower pace and wisdom that comes from it.


2) Start getting serious with your questions — what is important now? What is not? What big changes do you want to make or let go of so that you take your final breath without an ounce of regret.


3) Be sober for it — you don’t have to go to AA, but perhaps now is the time to feel more than to numb. To let the discomfort of what you’re confronting inform you with clear eyes and a open soul.


4) Talk to the men who came before you — trust me, the men in their 70’s and 80’s have knowledge that you don’t. And I have a funny feeling they’d be honored to share it with you.


Then you can get the hell off their lawn.


Cheers,
Traver

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P.S.
If you’re stuck,
lost, or circling
the same challenge
over and over—
this is the moment
to break through. 

For a limited time, I’m offering Breakthrough Intensive Coaching sessions.

In a 90-minute one-on-one session, we’ll drop in with 10 minutes of guided meditation, then dive deep into the obstacle that’s been holding you back. By the end, you’ll walk away with clarity, direction, and your next steps to get back on track.

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