How to turn solid ground into sacred ground

Six years ago I was pissed off at essentially starting over at rock bottom, struggling to get UNcivilized off the ground, and spent the morning recording myself a voice note while pouting in a basement in Quebec, Canada.

I named the note “The Three Relentlesses” and it was there for me to listen to in the mornings, reminding me to focus on — relentlessly pursuing my unique vision for my life, relentlessly pursuing personal growth and expansion, and relentlessly adding value to my relationships.

What started as a personal note became a published piece and powerful medicine for men who found themselves where I was at the time — starting over from zero or close to it. Men who needed to either get their shit together, or get back on track after falling off it.

That was six years ago and the world has changed, especially for those who heeded the call of The Three Relentlesses, committing themselves to the plan outlined in Man UNcivilized, and thus built amazing lives. I am one of them.

So why create this 2.0 version? And why not just kick back and leave well enough alone?


Because being complacent isn’t the UNcivilized way, is it? The call to go deeper is whispering to us at all times.

In May of this year, that same call had me dive back into my own initiation and after spending 49 straight days in complete darkness, it’s time for an update.

This is for the men who have walked through your own dark night and emerged. Men who’ve faced their shadows and integrated them. Who’ve built solid lives but now feel a deeper calling. A man like you who’s built the foundation, gone to therapy, has your finances handled, your body strong, and your relationships functional.

The darkness revealed three deeper callings, let’s explore them together.

Relentless 1:
Relentlessly Sharing
Your Deepest Gift

Now that your house is in order, metaphorically and otherwise, it’s time to sit with a deeper question. Or a deeper expression of a question you have already been sitting with.

Before I share the question, I want to clarify — this is not about exploring your purpose or your mission. The success you’ve achieved comes from the fact you’ve already taken both and made them your reality.

Ok, here’s the question:

“How do I
take what I know,
what I’m blessed with,
and what’s unique
about me and share it
with the world?”

Despite us living in an era where social media has made us all mini-influencers, many men are only known in their own offices and homes. I’ll be the first to say there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, as someone who’s built a business off of Instagram and YouTube, I envy these men in many ways. They don’t have to deal with the bullshit that seems to thrive in the comment sections of both.

And yet when speaking to men with a very small circle, no matter how successful financially they may be, there comes a time when they want to take what they’ve learned and share it in ways that don’t have a financial benefit.

I know high level CEO’s who now teach business basics to high schoolers. Lawyers who run free classes on how to navigate a divorce or read a contract. Men leading non profit organizations, and writing books they’ll never ask a dime for.

Ask all of the above how they feel and they’ll tell you — this is the greatest phase of my life. The hunt is over, and now it’s time to share the bounty.

My challenge to you reading this is to begin sharing what’s unique about you with the generations below you and the men by your side who have yet to achieve what you have.

And note how your soul comes alive.

Relentless 2:
Relentlessly Exploring
Your Inner Landscape

Remember spreadsheets? Goal lists. KPI’s. ROI. And the like? Those days may not be behind you, but they’re sitting in the backseat bitching that they’ve lost their right to shotgun on this stage of the journey.

Growth at this stage isn’t about accumulating more knowledge or skills—it's about becoming more fully yourself, and both accepting and expressing yourself with fullness. This means prioritizing the inner work that transforms you from the inside out.

Your inner work includes:

• Healing the old wounds that still dictate any unskillful behavior
• Developing emotional intelligence and regulation skills that don’t require a partner
• Cultivating presence and awareness with consistent daily practices of both
• Learning to love yourself as you are while growing into who you’re becoming

This level of growth becomes less about self-improvement and more about self-acceptance.

You work on yourself
not out of a fear
of being broken or
needing to fix anything,
but because you’re
worthy of wholeness.

This is about refinement, grace, and learning to cultivate a deep sense of peace within yourself.

This may sound light and fluffy, but will be some of the most challenging work of your life. It’s easy to strap a pack on your back and attack yet another mountain, but being okay sitting by a river at Base Camp and being proud of who you are, what you’ve accomplished, and even more so — what you haven’t accomplished — that is the work of a 2.0 man. That takes becoming right with your soul and recognizing the lessons at every stage of your path, not just the ones that came with awards and accolades.

Do this and you’ll face your shadows with courage and compassion. You’ll serve others from your overflow rather than your emptiness. And you’ll become someone others can deeply depend on because you’ve learned to deeply depend on yourself.

This is the time to climb the mountain of your heart and begin to explore its vastness and glory, with both feet flat on the ground. There’s richness here you’ve yet to experience.

Vast richness.

Relentless 3:
Relentless Devotion
to Sacred Relationships


In the first iteration of this piece, the emphasis was on adding value to your relationships and leading within them. Now it’s time to see them all as sacred connections and treat them with a reverence they may not have received.

You may have heard that there’s a loneliness epidemic in the male world. I’m not sure if that’s true but I do believe there’s an epidemic lack of connection, especially when it comes to men.

When we shift from, “I want to go down to the bar to see who’s there” to “I’m going to invite three close friends over tonight for a sober and intentional dinner” we’re beginning to relate to quality over quantity and the idea that our relationships truly fuel and nourish us — thus we must be vigilant about what and from whom we’re taking energy in.

When we consider the connections at this stage of our development to be sacred, things shift.

Sacred connection is characterized by sharing your vulnerability without agenda.
Showing up with presence in all of your relational interactions.
Truth telling that’s based in kindness and love.
And celebrating the uniquely authentic aspects of your partner and friends.

You’re now ready
to shift away from
networking to acquire,
instead you network
to see how best
you can serve.

Instead of seeking validation or to be right, you offer a grounded, masculine presence even in the face of being wrong.

Instead of collecting surface-level relationships, you cultivate depth with only a few close humans. Thus your circle may grow smaller over time and you will find yourself alone as well — and that will be okay as the true nourishment from your inner circle will sustain you in all the ways you required from a much larger tribe.

The added beauty of this is that when you shift your relationships to the realm of the soul, they also benefit in ways they never could have before. You are still adding value and leading as you were called to before, but now in a much richer way.

Living
As A 2.0 Man
Now

Can you feel how these new Relentlessees aren’t separate pursuits—they’re interconnected. Your gift deepens as you do your inner work. Your relationships strengthen as you share what’s real. Your inner landscape expands as you connect authentically. They all feed each other.

Here’s my
challenge
to you:

Pick ONE. Commit to it for 90 days. Not all three—that’s the old way of doing things. Choose the one you feel drawn to most and give it your full attention.

Put this to work and watch your relationships, your passions, and your sense of satisfaction grow and deepen.

Six years ago in that basement, I was building from nothing. After 49 days in darkness, I discovered what comes after so much of the building is done. The original Three Relentlesses are here to get the ground beneath you.

These new Relentlesses will turn that solid ground into sacred ground.

Yours UNcivilized,
Traver


P.S.
If you’re stuck, lost,
or circling the same
challenge over and over—
this is the moment
to break through. 

For a limited time, I’m offering Breakthrough Intensive Coaching sessions.

In a 90-minute one-on-one session, we’ll drop in with 10 minutes of guided meditation, then dive deep into the obstacle that’s been holding you back. By the end, you’ll walk away with clarity, direction, and your next steps to get back on track.

Book Your Breakthrough Session